It’s 2019. The world is filled with hate. I struggle with it. I fight it in myself all the time. But I have to finally admit it. I too am filled with hatred. It’s bursting from within me, it fills every fiber of my being. I struggle to contain the hatred, on a near-daily basis. I am literally triggered by it. It is almost all-consuming whenever I do one simple thing that I unfortunately must do multiple times every day.
What is the thing that has made me finally succumb to this evil?
It isn’t illegal immigrants, or abortion, or the “mainstream” media, or the things that seem to trigger so many others where I live.
It isn’t sexism, racism or xenophobia, or even Make America Great Again hats. I guess that technically I do hate those things, but hating hatred isn’t really hate, right? I loathe those things more than hate them, maybe because I don’t want to waste my limited hatred budget on people and ideas that simply are too stupid to be worth it. There simply isn’t enough time in the day to hate so much. I mean nobody allocates me “executive time” just so I can conjure up new things to hate, and ultimately if I add counter-hate hatred to my day, it isn’t going to solve anything because two wrongs won’t make anything right. Right?
It isn’t the Wolverines or the Dodgers, Rockets or Cavs (rest-in-peace). It isn’t the Golden Knights, or Orlando City FC. It isn’t even assorted players or coaches for those teams – although there are a few I wouldn’t mind kicking in the nuts (in reality if I met any of them, I’d just fawn over them and ask for autographs).
So, if none of those things is driving my hatred to this level, where I feel the need to vent about it in writing, what the hell could be so bad?
Get ready. I am taking a deep, deep breath before typing the next couple of words. My Apple watch heartrate alerts are already firing in anticipation of even writing them.
There, I said it. I hate dump trucks.
Seriously? Dump trucks?
Yep. I hate them. Not loathe. Hate. Stephen Miller-style hate. The kind of hate that makes me think those little mini dump truck attachments for John Deere mowers should be put in cages or sent back to Iowa before they grow up into real big dump trucks. I pine for a self-help program or maybe an outpatient program to help me deal with them. They are a scourge against societal norms. They are despicable.
Why? you ask. Why?
I apparently live in a universe I never knew existed, where dump trucks are everywhere. Yes, there is evil all around us. Hundreds of them (maybe thousands, possibly millions) driving relentlessly back-and-forth on Georgia’s roads. Most of them congregated it seems in the center lane of Georgia 400. They are conveniently spaced apart in order to make it impossible to avoid them. If you slow down, another is back there, waiting. If you speed up, another is up there, taunting you. They are going both North and South. For some reason I am not enlightened enough to understand, they are always fully loaded, regardless of direction of travel.
I have nothing against the people who drive them, although I do wonder how these people live with themselves. The drivers are probably hard-working people just doing their job and really can’t help being caught up in all this, they are just trying to make a living. Kind of like Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
I have been driving for 42 years. I have owned lots of cars. I never needed to replace or even repair a windshield for 41 of those years. But in the last year, I’ve had to replace the windshield on my Audi 3 times. And I recently had a chip in the newest one repaired. And I noticed last night that there are now 2 more chips and a crack in that one. Windshield number 4, coming soon to a dealership near me! All of them caused by shit falling out of dump trucks.
Either Audi’s have lesser windshields than any other car, or there is more crap falling off trucks, all of it precision targeting me. After scouring hundreds of Audi message boards, Facebook groups and Reddit pages I have deduced that it isn’t the glass, it’s the rocks hitting the glass. Rocks coming from dump trucks. This is called science.
These vessels of evil all have little signs on the back, telling me the dangers of following them closer than 100 feet. Signs so small that my aging eyes can’t read them unless I am driving within 100 feet. There is apparently also an assumption of a physical property of rocks dropped from dump trucks that would enable them to always stay within the lane the truck dropping them is traveling in. Self-driving rocks with lane assist.
My experience is that this Artificial Intelligence is flawed. Maybe Boeing can work on new software for the rocks, since they fly about the same as 737 MAX’s.
As noted above, the trucks tend to drive in the center lane of a 3 lane road. If I stay 100 feet behind them the rocks just don’t stop flying when they sense an incoming car. I’ve read my owner’s manual cover-to-cover and can’t find the force field controls. Pretty sure that wasn’t an option choose not to buy. If I try to pass the truck, either on the right or the left, I break the 100-foot rule, and shockingly the rocks sometimes seem to bounce sideways. This phenomenon seems to be exponentially worse for my Audi. Maybe Audi’s are rock-attractors. Maybe my Audi is asking for it, dressing so sexy all the time.
So there it is. My hatred exposed for all the world to see. Unless Facebook’s hate speech algorithm blocks this, in which case you aren’t reading it, so it’s like the rest of my blogs.
As always your feedback, likes, shares and subscribes are appreciated. Even if you hate it.